Saturday, November 28, 2009

Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 1

Another morning alone, staring at the tv screen.
Momma is at work.
The monster is "at work".
I'm still under quarantine, and i'm not getting any better.
The test results won't be in until Monday, with everyone being busy with their families over thanksgiving break and all, but since everyone is so sure i am an infected freak, i'm starting to believe them.
As i was watching Little Miss Sunshine this morning, it made me hungry for more chicken.
The stuff is addicting.
I jumped up for the phone and as i passed the calender, i realized something that kind of pissed me off.
My Uncle Billy's birthday was YESTERDAY.
This whole family cleverly neglected to remind me that my favorite uncle turned a wopping 42 years on Friday.
Despite the fact that he just got out of jail,(again), he is still my favorite relative.
He always tells me EVERYTHING i want to know about my father; the things my mother doesn't want to talk about.
My father, Bruce, and my Uncle Bill were great friends.
I guess, that is, until Uncle Bill got married and officially moved to Florida.
My father and he would visit Florida regularly for their "deliveries", or , at least, that's what i was told.
One time, they got in so much trouble down there, my mom and i had to pack up what we could, sell the rest, and go bail him out of jail.
I guess i remember a little bit, but i was only a few years old.
I ask my mom about it sometimes.
I tell her how i remember she was so mad at my dad, but she did what he told her anyways.
She sais i couldn't remember any of that, because i was WAY to young, but i remember or, at least, i think i do.
My uncle hasn't been here in Ohio for a visit since his divorce 5 years ago.
I haven't talked to him since.
My momma won't tell me exactly where he is.
She sais she would tell me if she knew, but i know she knows and is just trying to keep me safe.
It's different with my father.
I really do believe that she has no clue where he is.
I can't even really decide if i WANT to know where he is; if i WANT to know him.
I was thinking about pulling a Crossroads on my momma, but she means too much to me.
I don't want her to think that she isn't enought for me, because she is more than that.
She is EVERYTHING to me.
And so, my father remains a lifelong mystery to me and now, so does my Uncle Billy.
Damn my craving for chicken wings.

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