As i was sitting through New Moon for the second time, I noticed things that i didn't catch the first time.
It made me wonder how many things in this life i'm missing out on because i never take a second look.
Then i wondered how many other people out there have discovered that same feeling and i feel bad for them,
because i feel their pain, or whatever you call this feeling.
being lost.
wondering.
wandering.
************************************************************
I haven't picked up Twisted since thanksgiving.
That means i won't have time to read it twice,
and i won't have enough journal entries needed to fulfill the requirements of the given assignment.
It's one of those lose:lose situations that nobody can stand.
The wicked witch of the westhallway,
I just made her a WHOLE lot witchier.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 3 [morning edition]
Today is going to be a good day.
I am going to be miserable,
but i'm going to deal,
because that's what i do.
I'm going to walk out that door after putting my EVERYTHING into looking decent and i'm going to do it with a smile on my face.
Today is going to be a VERY good day.
I am going to be miserable,
but i'm going to deal,
because that's what i do.
I'm going to walk out that door after putting my EVERYTHING into looking decent and i'm going to do it with a smile on my face.
Today is going to be a VERY good day.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 2
Today seemed short.
PAINFUL,
but short.
I'm still not used to my momma working late hours.
Working at all, actually.
She should come shoveling through the door any minute, begging for some food and space.
Did I mention it's her birthday?
It's the big 45.
We're going to see New Moon tomarrow, despite the fact that i'm a contagious mess.
She's already seen it twice, but it's what she wants.
My momma doesn't ask for alot.
I think i get that from her.
We would be perfectly content with anything and everything you threw our way.
That's one thing i am proud of.
Knowing how to deal.
That's the ideal skill for these times.
Knowing how to deal.
If you can't do that, what can you do, right?
Watch everyone around you get eaten away by their own fear and built up rage.
That's what you can do.
I guess short days call for short blogs, so i think i'll turn in.
Rest.
That sounds good.
Rest.
PAINFUL,
but short.
I'm still not used to my momma working late hours.
Working at all, actually.
She should come shoveling through the door any minute, begging for some food and space.
Did I mention it's her birthday?
It's the big 45.
We're going to see New Moon tomarrow, despite the fact that i'm a contagious mess.
She's already seen it twice, but it's what she wants.
My momma doesn't ask for alot.
I think i get that from her.
We would be perfectly content with anything and everything you threw our way.
That's one thing i am proud of.
Knowing how to deal.
That's the ideal skill for these times.
Knowing how to deal.
If you can't do that, what can you do, right?
Watch everyone around you get eaten away by their own fear and built up rage.
That's what you can do.
I guess short days call for short blogs, so i think i'll turn in.
Rest.
That sounds good.
Rest.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 1
Another morning alone, staring at the tv screen.
Momma is at work.
The monster is "at work".
I'm still under quarantine, and i'm not getting any better.
The test results won't be in until Monday, with everyone being busy with their families over thanksgiving break and all, but since everyone is so sure i am an infected freak, i'm starting to believe them.
As i was watching Little Miss Sunshine this morning, it made me hungry for more chicken.
The stuff is addicting.
I jumped up for the phone and as i passed the calender, i realized something that kind of pissed me off.
My Uncle Billy's birthday was YESTERDAY.
This whole family cleverly neglected to remind me that my favorite uncle turned a wopping 42 years on Friday.
Despite the fact that he just got out of jail,(again), he is still my favorite relative.
He always tells me EVERYTHING i want to know about my father; the things my mother doesn't want to talk about.
My father, Bruce, and my Uncle Bill were great friends.
I guess, that is, until Uncle Bill got married and officially moved to Florida.
My father and he would visit Florida regularly for their "deliveries", or , at least, that's what i was told.
One time, they got in so much trouble down there, my mom and i had to pack up what we could, sell the rest, and go bail him out of jail.
I guess i remember a little bit, but i was only a few years old.
I ask my mom about it sometimes.
I tell her how i remember she was so mad at my dad, but she did what he told her anyways.
She sais i couldn't remember any of that, because i was WAY to young, but i remember or, at least, i think i do.
My uncle hasn't been here in Ohio for a visit since his divorce 5 years ago.
I haven't talked to him since.
My momma won't tell me exactly where he is.
She sais she would tell me if she knew, but i know she knows and is just trying to keep me safe.
It's different with my father.
I really do believe that she has no clue where he is.
I can't even really decide if i WANT to know where he is; if i WANT to know him.
I was thinking about pulling a Crossroads on my momma, but she means too much to me.
I don't want her to think that she isn't enought for me, because she is more than that.
She is EVERYTHING to me.
And so, my father remains a lifelong mystery to me and now, so does my Uncle Billy.
Damn my craving for chicken wings.
Momma is at work.
The monster is "at work".
I'm still under quarantine, and i'm not getting any better.
The test results won't be in until Monday, with everyone being busy with their families over thanksgiving break and all, but since everyone is so sure i am an infected freak, i'm starting to believe them.
As i was watching Little Miss Sunshine this morning, it made me hungry for more chicken.
The stuff is addicting.
I jumped up for the phone and as i passed the calender, i realized something that kind of pissed me off.
My Uncle Billy's birthday was YESTERDAY.
This whole family cleverly neglected to remind me that my favorite uncle turned a wopping 42 years on Friday.
Despite the fact that he just got out of jail,(again), he is still my favorite relative.
He always tells me EVERYTHING i want to know about my father; the things my mother doesn't want to talk about.
My father, Bruce, and my Uncle Bill were great friends.
I guess, that is, until Uncle Bill got married and officially moved to Florida.
My father and he would visit Florida regularly for their "deliveries", or , at least, that's what i was told.
One time, they got in so much trouble down there, my mom and i had to pack up what we could, sell the rest, and go bail him out of jail.
I guess i remember a little bit, but i was only a few years old.
I ask my mom about it sometimes.
I tell her how i remember she was so mad at my dad, but she did what he told her anyways.
She sais i couldn't remember any of that, because i was WAY to young, but i remember or, at least, i think i do.
My uncle hasn't been here in Ohio for a visit since his divorce 5 years ago.
I haven't talked to him since.
My momma won't tell me exactly where he is.
She sais she would tell me if she knew, but i know she knows and is just trying to keep me safe.
It's different with my father.
I really do believe that she has no clue where he is.
I can't even really decide if i WANT to know where he is; if i WANT to know him.
I was thinking about pulling a Crossroads on my momma, but she means too much to me.
I don't want her to think that she isn't enought for me, because she is more than that.
She is EVERYTHING to me.
And so, my father remains a lifelong mystery to me and now, so does my Uncle Billy.
Damn my craving for chicken wings.
Mental Breakdown of a Girl [thanksgiving edition]
there really is nothing like being quarantined over thanksgiving break.
the family is terrified of the very sight of me.
"OH NO! she's diseased. get her OUT."
and that's perfectly fine with me.
i've got my apple pie.
my hot wings.
George Lopez.
it's all good.
only a few more hours until my family gets back from their SECOND round of thanksgiving dinner without me.
spending commercials reading Twisted for the THIRD time since last christmas, only THIS time it's for a book report.
i guess it would be easy if i felt like writing, but i don't.
so i guess i have to read it yet AGAIN in order to capture my twisted thaughts on paper AS i'm reading the book.
if it's what the wicked witch of the west hallway wants...it's what she'll get.
i'm so thankful that i have
my apple pie.
non stop George Lopez reruns.
a good book.
and the uncanny ability to babble on and on and on about the STUPIDEST of things.
i'm out.
happy thanksgiving.
-girl who can't do anything right to save her life and is having a mental breakdown as we speak so excuse the lame post and get back to your thanksgiving vaca.
the family is terrified of the very sight of me.
"OH NO! she's diseased. get her OUT."
and that's perfectly fine with me.
i've got my apple pie.
my hot wings.
George Lopez.
it's all good.
only a few more hours until my family gets back from their SECOND round of thanksgiving dinner without me.
spending commercials reading Twisted for the THIRD time since last christmas, only THIS time it's for a book report.
i guess it would be easy if i felt like writing, but i don't.
so i guess i have to read it yet AGAIN in order to capture my twisted thaughts on paper AS i'm reading the book.
if it's what the wicked witch of the west hallway wants...it's what she'll get.
i'm so thankful that i have
my apple pie.
non stop George Lopez reruns.
a good book.
and the uncanny ability to babble on and on and on about the STUPIDEST of things.
i'm out.
happy thanksgiving.
-girl who can't do anything right to save her life and is having a mental breakdown as we speak so excuse the lame post and get back to your thanksgiving vaca.
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