I tried SO hard to make this day special.
And who of all people would go and despecialize it?
I busted my ass to have a good additude.
And who busted theirs even harder to turn it around on me?
I had a smile on my face for the longest time since i can remember.
And who, WHO inconsiderately ripped it off my very flesh?
Merry Freakin Christmas.
It tortures me.
I can't handle the shitty excuses and the mindless reason.
It's beyond my comprehention, how someone could be so wicked and vicious.
I'm scarred for life, if not eternity.
She is forever in my debt.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 11
I have been thinking about Jay alot lately.
It might just be the fact that it's Christmas, but i honestly don't know.
I heard that people who loose parents or siblings or ANYONE have a hard time at Christmas,
trying to find something to be happy about.
I don't know if that's my case, but it's the only excuse i have for missing him right now.
It's been a long time.
We have both changed tremendously.
We both know and understand that,
but i haven't spoken to him in what seems like forever and i want to.
I've never really had a need to talk to one specific person before now.
I NEED to hear his voice.
It might just be the fact that it's Christmas, but i honestly don't know.
I heard that people who loose parents or siblings or ANYONE have a hard time at Christmas,
trying to find something to be happy about.
I don't know if that's my case, but it's the only excuse i have for missing him right now.
It's been a long time.
We have both changed tremendously.
We both know and understand that,
but i haven't spoken to him in what seems like forever and i want to.
I've never really had a need to talk to one specific person before now.
I NEED to hear his voice.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 10
I helped out at my church the other night.
Food Ministries.
Our youth group was helping to pass out hot chocolate to the homeless.
A kid I recognized from my school walked in.
I was about to walk over and ask if he wanted to help pass out the hot chocolate to the homeless until i realized he WAS the homeless.
He was wearing the same hoody he wore every other day.
It was red with a black hood and it had a worn out logo of some sports team faded on the front.
I wondered if that was the only reason i recognized him in the first place.
I would have never guessed that he had no place to live.
No place to call home.
It took me by surprise, but i guess God works in mysterious ways like that.
God was telling me something.
I think he wanted me to do something, to say somthing.
I just couldn't make it out.
Dear God,
Could you speak a wee bit louder, please?
It's hard to hear down here.
with all my love and appreciation,
Mental Breakdown of a Girl.
Food Ministries.
Our youth group was helping to pass out hot chocolate to the homeless.
A kid I recognized from my school walked in.
I was about to walk over and ask if he wanted to help pass out the hot chocolate to the homeless until i realized he WAS the homeless.
He was wearing the same hoody he wore every other day.
It was red with a black hood and it had a worn out logo of some sports team faded on the front.
I wondered if that was the only reason i recognized him in the first place.
I would have never guessed that he had no place to live.
No place to call home.
It took me by surprise, but i guess God works in mysterious ways like that.
God was telling me something.
I think he wanted me to do something, to say somthing.
I just couldn't make it out.
Dear God,
Could you speak a wee bit louder, please?
It's hard to hear down here.
with all my love and appreciation,
Mental Breakdown of a Girl.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 9 [questions edition]
Why do i have to rack my brain for the words to say?
Why is it that life can't be a breath of fresh air, a walk in the park, a day at the spa, a piece of pinnapple crunch cake.
Should i get a tatoo?
Should i get a FEW tatoos?
How do i tell my cat i'm gay?
Why did my mother get arrested?
Where can i meet a good man?
Why can't i be my own person?
What do rainbow donuts taste like?
Will i get any taller?
Is having sex in public really illegal?
Can I have Jeffree Star's phone number?
Why am i not photogenic?
What color should i dye my hair next?
What if i don't like that color?
Will you go out with me?
Should i gauge my ears?
What would you do if a giant banana took over the world?
What would Jesus do?
How do i make a kick ass gingerbread house?
Should i party tonight?
How many candycorns would i have to eat before i would gain 5 pounds?
What's Lady GaGa's real name?
Why is it that life can't be a breath of fresh air, a walk in the park, a day at the spa, a piece of pinnapple crunch cake.
Should i get a tatoo?
Should i get a FEW tatoos?
How do i tell my cat i'm gay?
Why did my mother get arrested?
Where can i meet a good man?
Why can't i be my own person?
What do rainbow donuts taste like?
Will i get any taller?
Is having sex in public really illegal?
Can I have Jeffree Star's phone number?
Why am i not photogenic?
What color should i dye my hair next?
What if i don't like that color?
Will you go out with me?
Should i gauge my ears?
What would you do if a giant banana took over the world?
What would Jesus do?
How do i make a kick ass gingerbread house?
Should i party tonight?
How many candycorns would i have to eat before i would gain 5 pounds?
What's Lady GaGa's real name?
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part 9 [school edition]
I wish I could just run away from it all.
Be myself for a little while.
I get so lost within the walls of my own identity here.
I can't stand to be awake, alive, surrounded by the endless gossip and blanks stares from the ill-minded people of today's "society."
People have always played a leading role in what i think, how i live, who i am...
but lately, being around the few and the relentless is all i can handle right now.
God is guiding me, no, PUSHING me down this path.
THE path.
I'm taking it; racing down it.
I will be the first and only one to get where i'm going because i'm following the road Gad has wound for me.
I refuse to be the next Jonah.
I refuse to refuse God's demands.
I refuse to be eaten by a fish.
I'm headed in the righteous direction.
Where are you headed?
Be myself for a little while.
I get so lost within the walls of my own identity here.
I can't stand to be awake, alive, surrounded by the endless gossip and blanks stares from the ill-minded people of today's "society."
People have always played a leading role in what i think, how i live, who i am...
but lately, being around the few and the relentless is all i can handle right now.
God is guiding me, no, PUSHING me down this path.
THE path.
I'm taking it; racing down it.
I will be the first and only one to get where i'm going because i'm following the road Gad has wound for me.
I refuse to be the next Jonah.
I refuse to refuse God's demands.
I refuse to be eaten by a fish.
I'm headed in the righteous direction.
Where are you headed?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl part 8 1/2 [long time, no blog]
It's been a while.
a week maybe.
I don't really know.
i've been going to church with Chelso TR!Ck and Laina Kay.
I met so many new people that i could really enjoy getting to know.
Justin and Brandon are the pastors kids.
Twins.
Adorable.
It was like an early Christmas present.
Until I met Thomas Scott.
I didn't fall in love.
Love tripped me and laughed its ass off.
It was not pretty.
I was a "hot mess", as Chelso would so genuinely put it.
Why can't George Lopez just sweep me off my feet and be done with it?
a week maybe.
I don't really know.
i've been going to church with Chelso TR!Ck and Laina Kay.
I met so many new people that i could really enjoy getting to know.
Justin and Brandon are the pastors kids.
Twins.
Adorable.
It was like an early Christmas present.
Until I met Thomas Scott.
I didn't fall in love.
Love tripped me and laughed its ass off.
It was not pretty.
I was a "hot mess", as Chelso would so genuinely put it.
Why can't George Lopez just sweep me off my feet and be done with it?
Monday, December 7, 2009
Mental Breakdown of a Girl Part [who cares.]
The Monster has been unleashed.
I repeat.
The Monster has been unleashed.
Yeah.
Unleashing a few years worth of rage on ALL our asses.
What's the deal?
He isn't my father, so why should i fall to his every request?
Because my momma loves him and he really is a good person inside.
I just don't know anymore.
I just dont.
I repeat.
The Monster has been unleashed.
Yeah.
Unleashing a few years worth of rage on ALL our asses.
What's the deal?
He isn't my father, so why should i fall to his every request?
Because my momma loves him and he really is a good person inside.
I just don't know anymore.
I just dont.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)